Stepping out and up into adulthood

Growing up is essentially about growing up and out of the limiting beliefs and dependencies we developed when we were young. We settle into more maturity and groundedness which serves us better as well as those around us. My real transition into adulthood started with a phone call.

A few months in on my new adventure in the big city, my car was playing up. Now, at the time, the only way I knew how to get this problem solved was to call Daddy – who was 1500kms away! It never even crossed my mind that he was too far away. Nor did I remember my decision to live life independently of my family. I did what I always did, ran to Daddy with a problem.

When I made the phone call and Dad heard me out, he replied very sweetly: “My skattebol, wat presies verwag jy moet ek doen?” [What exactly do you expect me to do sweetheart?] It then struck me that he couldn’t do anything and it was up to me to get this sorted out.

It was the realisation that my life is MY responsibility despite the fear and uncertainty that I felt. That phone call was indeed my “rite of passage”. As I had a job, a car and my “own life” – all acceptable indicators of adulthood! And so my independence and growth into adulthood started. And the growth and transformation up until now has been exponential.

Challenging and shifting your perspective

Becoming an adult is a mental shift. A shift into a world of taking responsibility for yourself and being independent – you choose who you want to be. It is about owning your choices, wins, losses, challenges and everything in between. Stepping up is to to carve your niche in this world to be the best version of yourself. It means taking responsibility for living authentically and in integrity with who you truly are. This in turn translates into having the courage not to succumb to the pressures and norms of society. These pressures keep you in a box created for you.

When we are grounded in the truth of who we are, we become free to simply be ourselves. So, create your own reality and colour and spice it with whatever makes you authentically you. So, by being who we want to be, as opposed to just doing things like we’ve always done, suggests that a growth mindset is important. Another important aspect of growing up is living independently.

Independence

Independence relates to the practice of free will. This means the ability to make choices about my life, my actions and behaviours. Ultimately, it’s about the decision of whether or not to apply the values, beliefs, norms and whatever else that I grew up on. It’s about filtering out what doesn’t serve me in my life right now. A new value and belief system and rules to suit my life right now.

It’s about the choices and decisions of the adult that I am striving to be. People define their level of independence by their material possessions. In addition, limited financial dependence on other people dictate their level of independence. However, owning various assets, having a job and a bank account does not imply independence. It is about owning your choices, wins, losses, challenges and everything in between.

Independence largely depends on how well you know yourself and think for yourself. It’s about about carving and following your own path – your own purpose. This process of carving your own path in your adult life is largely dependent on how well you establish boundaries.

The Takeaway

Pursuing your adulthood with conviction prevents you from doubting yourself. As EE Cummings said: “It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” Adulthood is about knowing yourself. It’s about having the courage to stand true in who you are.

Shaking the social conditioning that entraps us in an invisible straightjacket, is part of growing up. By knowing who you are, your value and belief systems are aligned to serve as your golden compass. Your life, your rules.

I would love to hear your story or perhaps your struggles with making the shift. Read more about my journey to independence and adulthood here.